• About
  • My Book
  • Events
  • Blog
  • Contact
Celina Villagarcia

Let's Talk About My Lady Bits

10/20/2015

11 Comments

 
Picture
Because there is absolutely no way to say this without sounding like a complete weirdo I am going to rip it off like a Band-Aid and just say it.  My lady bits are actively trying to kill me so I am having a hysterectomy.  Tomorrow. 
 
There I said it.
 
And, honestly, the only reason I’m even talking about it is because we ladies seldom talk about what is, you know, real, what is actually happening in our lives that doesn’t resemble a Pinterest moment.  Like, how one’s life can be so shitty with an angry uterus that the idea of someone ripping the useless lady satchel directly from my cookie is so much better than spending one more month in her company.  This is a public service announcement, really. 
 
I wish someone, like one of the five actual doctors I’ve seen over the past decade, would have told me that all these symptoms weren’t a) normal or b) a figment of my imagination.  So, when my current doctor, who, by the way, is so ridiculously beautiful and amazing that I’d offer up any other organs she’d want to remove no questions asked said that “we poked the bear” and “now she needs to go”, I was totally on board. 
 
I should’ve asked about a million questions but I was too shocked to say anything.  Instead, the first thing I did was buy a plush uterus on Amazon and named her Lagertha because nothing screams research and readiness like a pink uterus pillow.  Now, since I’m basically clueless going into this here’s my list of questions for her tomorrow morning:
 
  1. Can I have my lady bits in order to fashion a necklace or coin purse out of her?
  2. If not, can you take a picture of me flipping said lady bits off in the operating room?
  3. Since I am keeping my ovaries for hot flash prevention purposes can you at least remove ten pounds of fat instead?
  4. Will you pose with me and Lagertha before the procedure for Facebook shits and giggles?
 
If the answer is “no” to all of the above questions, honestly, maybe she isn’t as amazing as I initially thought and I should find someone who will do those things.  Holy shit, are there countries that still send you home with your organs floating in glass vials of liquid?  If so, I should totally go there instead.  In the meantime, fingers crossed this isn’t as bad as I have made it out to be in my head.  Ladies, have this conversation because someone you know may have been through something similar.  Yesterday my cousin was diagnosed with Stage 1 uterine cancer, which sucks, so let’s lift the veil of secrecy and talk about it.  Here, I’ll start:  My lady bits are actively trying to kill me so I am having a hysterectomy.
11 Comments
carla
10/20/2015 03:29:16 pm

Wow! I love your spunk around this!! When my daughter was little and eye muscle surgery they let her take her baby doll into the OR with her. When she came out of surgery with a patch, so did her baby doll! I think Lagertha should go to surgery with you! I bet those docs and nurses have never seen a fluffy, pink, stuffed uterus named Lagertha.
Hoping this is just a little blip on your radar screen and that you are up and around and back at writing circle in a flash. Keep us posted on your recovery? What time is your surgery? I'll keep you in my prayers!
Carla

Reply
Michelle Kaiman
10/20/2015 04:27:01 pm

You are so funny!! Having my lady bits pulled out through a small incision in my bell button and another small incision for the light to be insert to light up my insides, was one of the best things I ever did!! I tried to get him to suck some fat out as well, but he wouldn't accommodate my request. It was worth a shot!! You will feel 100x better, but if you were like me you will have that thought, I can no longer have babies, not that I wanted to have more, but still it hit me. Keeping your ovaries was a good decision. I haven't had any problems since lady bits came out, and heavenly to not deal with dear flo!! Good luck tomorrow, I will send up a prayer for you. BTW love the uterus, wish I would have thought to look for one of those when I had mine done. Who knew they even existed. Maybe you should have her autograph your uterus for shits and gillies and then post your picture!! Hugs

Reply
Sally Theus
10/20/2015 04:27:55 pm

Bye Bye lady bits, what good are they if they're not working properly. Chin up, it sounds like you're in good hands. Lagertha: Not one of your prophecies do I understand
The Seer: It is the way of the prophecy. Only to be understood when it has happened and it is too late to change it.
Get well soon!

Reply
Maria Maloney
10/20/2015 04:40:34 pm

You are so gutsy and funny! If that uterus is giving you so much trouble, it has to go. No regrets. No tears for that little monster. And you are right, we need to discuss these things out in the open. Good luck tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you and sending good energy your way.

Reply
MJ
10/20/2015 06:04:43 pm

Celina-I just love you! And your plush uterus pillow. I'm praying for you & cheering for you. You'll be great! And yes, lady bits + age suck and no ones dares speak of these things. Had my own fun time of late. Still have the "bear" however, not so sure I wouldn't happily agree to the same conditions to just regulate all the other bs it causes. I sincerely hope you do get to flip it off & that you will proudly post that picture!!! Love you tons!

Reply
Inez kruithof
10/20/2015 06:34:31 pm

Had all mine removed in 2010. Painful surgery which I was not prepared for. Only two really rough days, but best surgery and decision I ever made. My doctor had the saying " if your not going to use it, lose it. Also kept my ovaries! Yippee for not throwing myself into full blown menopause.

Reply
Shanon Dominguez
10/20/2015 10:59:55 pm

Celina.....I wouldn't expect any less from you and your pink uterus. I'm glad you are talking about it and I'm so happy you are having those pain in the ass lady bits removed and out of there. I wish I would have done the same years ago bc that monthly lady bit business is too much for a 45 year old. Don't we have enough to worry about at this age??? Praying for you my friend and look forward to the pictures tomorrow. Love you!❤️

Reply
Delphine gonzales
10/21/2015 10:42:34 am

You are amazing, women go through so much. Knowing your body is so important because doctors don't always know best until you put your feet down. Love u.

Reply
M2
10/21/2015 07:38:41 pm

In 2003, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer (Stage 3). The Dr's did all these tests on me from filling up my stomach w/carbon dioxide to check my ovaries. Low and behold I had 6 cysts on my left ovary. Scary feeling. I had biopsies done. To make it short .. I ended up getting a hysterectomy in 2005. My ovaries are still intact.

Reply
Leandra
10/21/2015 09:03:22 pm

I love you.

Reply
Beth Murphy
10/21/2015 09:44:35 pm

as always, my friend, your ability to laugh in the face of fear makes you such an amazing light. I hope the lady bits extraction goes as well as it can

Reply

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    I often feel restless like the skin I inhabit is not enough. So, I want to learn  to encounter the Beautiful in ordinary life.

    Archives

    February 2015
    December 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed


2014 Celina Villarreal Garcia. All Rights Reserved