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Celina Villagarcia

Let's Talk About My Lady Bits

10/20/2015

11 Comments

 
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Because there is absolutely no way to say this without sounding like a complete weirdo I am going to rip it off like a Band-Aid and just say it.  My lady bits are actively trying to kill me so I am having a hysterectomy.  Tomorrow. 
 
There I said it.
 
And, honestly, the only reason I’m even talking about it is because we ladies seldom talk about what is, you know, real, what is actually happening in our lives that doesn’t resemble a Pinterest moment.  Like, how one’s life can be so shitty with an angry uterus that the idea of someone ripping the useless lady satchel directly from my cookie is so much better than spending one more month in her company.  This is a public service announcement, really. 
 
I wish someone, like one of the five actual doctors I’ve seen over the past decade, would have told me that all these symptoms weren’t a) normal or b) a figment of my imagination.  So, when my current doctor, who, by the way, is so ridiculously beautiful and amazing that I’d offer up any other organs she’d want to remove no questions asked said that “we poked the bear” and “now she needs to go”, I was totally on board. 
 
I should’ve asked about a million questions but I was too shocked to say anything.  Instead, the first thing I did was buy a plush uterus on Amazon and named her Lagertha because nothing screams research and readiness like a pink uterus pillow.  Now, since I’m basically clueless going into this here’s my list of questions for her tomorrow morning:
 
  1. Can I have my lady bits in order to fashion a necklace or coin purse out of her?
  2. If not, can you take a picture of me flipping said lady bits off in the operating room?
  3. Since I am keeping my ovaries for hot flash prevention purposes can you at least remove ten pounds of fat instead?
  4. Will you pose with me and Lagertha before the procedure for Facebook shits and giggles?
 
If the answer is “no” to all of the above questions, honestly, maybe she isn’t as amazing as I initially thought and I should find someone who will do those things.  Holy shit, are there countries that still send you home with your organs floating in glass vials of liquid?  If so, I should totally go there instead.  In the meantime, fingers crossed this isn’t as bad as I have made it out to be in my head.  Ladies, have this conversation because someone you know may have been through something similar.  Yesterday my cousin was diagnosed with Stage 1 uterine cancer, which sucks, so let’s lift the veil of secrecy and talk about it.  Here, I’ll start:  My lady bits are actively trying to kill me so I am having a hysterectomy.
11 Comments

In January, I Listened

2/6/2015

4 Comments

 
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I rarely listen.  

No, seriously, I do not make it a habit of listening to others (just ask my husband who would be more than happy to talk about how much fun that can be).  But, that also includes NOT listening to myself or my spirit, the internal nudges, whatever you want to call it, that exists to guide us.  Instead, I tend to plow headlong, attempting to check off these impossible to-do lists and fulfill this grand notion of what it means to be a wife, mother, writer, volunteer.   When I cannot, say, write a brilliant poem a day (really, who made that rule for me) or create some culinary masterpiece for the ingrates who would undoubtedly be happier with a Hot & Ready from Little Ceasars, it becomes difficult to feel like I have reached any destination at all.  

So, this past month I did something very different.  

I listened.  

At the beginning of January, I wrote in my journal that I wanted to be a better reader, a more prolific reader.  I wanted to reconnect to what made me fall in love with words back in elementary school.  I wanted to be that book nerd who spent some portion of the summers in the San Benito Public Library getting paper cuts in the long wooden drawers of the card catalog, watching the due date get stamped in the front cover of each book, eventually hauling out armloads of books to count towards my Summer Reading Contest.  That is who I wanted to be this year.

So I read thirteen books in the month of January.  


I cannot remember the last time I felt this giddy.  As I look at that mountain of words sitting on my desk I cannot help but feel like I climbed an Everest of sorts and planted a flag firmly in the top.  I set out to read this month, and read is what I did.  
4 Comments

Just Add Fire

12/18/2014

2 Comments

 
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Where do you even begin to change how you walk through the world?  How do you alter your perception from "never enough" to "I am enough"?  I have been thinking about this question for so long because I often attain the dream, whatever it is, only to question what comes next as soon as the dream is realized.  The dream ends up being a step in an irrational need to accomplish more.  It's a restlessness, really.


So, there I stood in the kitchen where the simple task of washing dishes had me trapped in a mental "what's next" prison, when I looked up and saw flames shooting about ten feet in the air.  

Let me backtrack for a second, my youngest has been given the task of burning our paper trash like we live in the monte of Olmito because we don't get recycling service in our neighborhood.  He arms himself with a box of matches and then can be seen dragging cardboard boxes and the like in front of our breakfast table window to the burn pit below.  His restlessness is of the fireworks and arson variety so it's a win-win situation for everyone.

Anyway, I saw the flames and immediately decided I needed to micromanage the situation.  But when I stepped onto the deck I could see him in a state of bliss, content to watch the masterpiece he'd created.  It was definitely a grace-filled moment, and I felt compelled to join his encounter with the Beautiful.  We watched the flames lick the air and embers dance on the breeze, just the two of us, until the dark became greater than the light.  Tonight he taught me that I just needed to add fire to find the Beautiful.


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    I often feel restless like the skin I inhabit is not enough. So, I want to learn  to encounter the Beautiful in ordinary life.

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